Three cheers – Murray’s out

Why am I so delighted that the 19 year old Frenchman Gaël Monfils has knocked terminal whinger Andy Murray out of the Roland Garros in the first round? Surely it’s not just because moaning Murray has reportedly vowed to support “whoever England are playing against” in the World Cup. OK, so that is a good reason, but is it really because he is just too embarrassing and painful to watch in a way that even Tim and Greg aren’t: at least they challenged the world for the greatest prizes in tennis. Or is it because I can find nothing to like about him: certainly not his carefree desire to alienate Tim’s strongest weapon on the All England courts – that 'English' crowd – or the way he aspires to replace a player with sublime chip shots by one with chips on both shoulders. In the end I suppose I find Murray so unattractive because he seems to have none of the qualities that the English and British might actually identify with (like taking that other great Briton, Rusedski, to their hearts) – so I’m glad he hates the English, doesn’t want to be called British and hope he calls himself the Scottish No 1, (who is their No 2 again?) rather than British No 2ish – and I’ll support anyone who plays against him.